This year, I had high hopes and expectations for my blog… and then I found out I was pregnant, like, a week after posting grand blogging resolutions for 2016. Pregnancy took over every spare neuron of my brain. It was what scared, motivated, thrilled me, but I didn’t want to blog about it. As much as mommy bloggers have helped me with my pregnancy and continue to help me through parenthood, I didn’t think I had much to add to the field… so I didn’t write much at all this year.
Over the summer, I worked on some short stories. I always dreamed of writing fiction and I thought it was silly for me to tell my daughter to follow her dreams if I had never done so myself. I loved it. I disciplined myself to write every morning for two hours, and by the end of the summer, I got my first rejection letter, three short stories that need varying levels of editing, and a few more story ideas that I have yet to pursue (I’m a slow writer). Once the school year started and once the baby was born, however, I couldn’t keep up.
Now, I feel an urge to write, but I can’t find the time or brainpower to immerse myself in a different universe to write fiction. I swear, this child is sucking out life force while she’s at my breast. As I sit in low lamplight in her nursery, rubbing her back and hoping that the impending burp won’t be so big that it will wake her; as I tell my husband that, despite my gigantic boobs, if he squeezes them, I will feel more like a cow than a sex goddess; as I do the laundry for the 3rd time this week and pray to God that I don’t turn into a homebody like my mother, I feel both a sense of loss for the carefree life I had before and the weight of responsibility for the life I must care for now. So this is my life now. As I crane over my daughter and listen to her first laughs, as I watch my parents become doting grandparents and my siblings melt over their niece, as I see myself and my husband traversing on this adventure and growing into adults that we are not quite sure how to be, I bask in the glow of what I have gained and whisper, “So this is my life now.”
So this is my blog now: a personal one in which I share the ups and downs of being a new parent, while still trying to be everything that I was before the little one showed up. The No More Than 150 challenge was fun, but now it’s time for something new. I am slowly revamping my site and blog identity during naptime. My blog name and address are changing to that double-sided phrase that I so often find myself saying when I am either struggling with or embracing the changes in my life. I think it’s a good sign that I’m nervous, uncertain, and excited about changing and getting back to blogging. I’m looking forward to sharing this new adventure with you!